EMOJiDOGs

The bebop jazz of hotdog joints

Midnight Snack: Meals From the Nightward

By Anna Okkes

Stan Getz, the famous jazz musician, famously said, “I want my sax to sound like a dry martini.” That’s so classy.

But also curious: sound being compared to something you taste. Makes me wonder, can you epitomize a vibe with a meal?

Anyways. You hungry?

My arrangement with Boss Tsushimia and the Wildcats is finally fulfilled. They got honest reviews, and my name got cleared in the Ward. To celebrate our win, Veedat, Kami, and I planned a well-deserved spa day—er, spa night—at my apartment. We were in the middle of plucking Veedat’s eyebrows when he asked,

“Kami, do you ever eat outside the Nightward?”

“Do I!”

Kami went on to name—to my extreme disappointment—many bad fast-food establishments. She is kind of a grub. When pressed for something a little more upscale, she smiled, plucked one more hair from between Veedat’s eyes, and said, “Let me show you.”

We rode electric scooters toward the campus in LinBath. Students were pouring out of bars and toward their favorite late-night eatery.

EMOJIDOGs is a true dive, located on a busy corner of the high street. The line of giggly young people stretched for at least a block.

“Here’s how it works,” said Kami, pulling out her phone. She tapped for a second and showed me her screen. I was confronted with a random string of emojis. Like an equation:

🍍 + 🥓 = 🌭

“This is how you order.” Kami’s eyes were wide with excitement. I couldn’t help but smile. I took out my own phone and perused my digital options.

🍗 + 🧇 = 🌭?

A large screen tacked to a brick wall displayed every order that went out. By the time we reached the counter, our dogs were ready. I tried not to be impressed, but the vibe was enticing, and the smells made my mouth water. I was eager to sit and chow down.

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I still don’t know what Veedat calls me when I spill ketchup on myself, but I’m getting closer.

The staff were very familiar with the patrons, laughing and teasing each other. The air buzzed with a cozy, inside-joke feeling.

Halfway through, there was a sudden commotion. A claxon sounded, and the lights started to flicker throughout the shop. On the screen, some jokester had ordered:

🐶 + 🍆 = 🌭

The staff began to boo loudly at the sniggering chad-bro who ordered it. Everyone else quickly followed suit, throwing straws and wrappers. Unable to get a word in edgewise, the jokester was forced to leave, pulled away by drunken friends.

EMOJIDOGs was anything but classy, but it was fun. Come to think of it, what food epitomizes fun more than a hot dog? We walked out with the swaying, sated students and headed back to my apartment, drunk—not on alcohol—but on life.

Yours always,

Anna Okkes

Update

Well, Snackers, we’re boldly embarking into a new era of Midnight Snack. Some may even call it a new season. (I’m open to proposals if anyone wants to talk syndicated TV shows, toys in Happy Meals, etc.)

My arrangement with Boss Tsushimia has concluded. He cleared my name in the Ward. Unfortunately, the Scare Pair were outside the jurisdiction of the Wardens... they almost certainly were the arsonists.

So I’m off the hook and free to explore the Nightward once more! As it so happens, the Boss had some useful information on the possible location of the Yawning Naan. More on that next week.

Please don’t be afraid to buy me a snack.

Go on, coward.